They say the relationship between a parent and their children is one of the most beautiful bonds that one can share. Parents bring a child in this world and raise him with their own blood and sweat, instill values that will make him or her responsible, and impart knowledge so that he or she can stand on their own feet. Parents give all the tools that might be required by the child to be successful in life.
Then why is it that this relationship gets tarnished as time passes by. Why do both the parties, the parents as well as the child come to a conclusion that the other party does not understand their point of views, in all situations? The child would always have a complaint regarding the parents not trying to see things from their perspective, that they are old-fashioned and refuse to adopt a modern outlook. Similar is the case with the parents, as well.
If I go out to the market and pick out 10 parents randomly, I am pretty sure that at least 6 out of those 5 couples will have an issue with their children, the most common one being – “My child is stubborn.” Now, there are obviously two sides of the story, and the children would have a similar complaint. Also, from the parent’s perspective, this can be dealt in different ways. Some choose to ignore, others try to be forceful, yet other who plead. “To each, his own”. But is there a way to tackle this everlasting problem? Is there a fool-proof way of dealing with a stubborn child without any side effects on your relationship with your child? Maybe there is.
However, let’s first figure out how to stratify our understanding.
I think there is one very basic approach that works really well. And that is the “NAG” approach. No, this does not mean you start nagging your child. It is actually quite the opposite of that. “NAG”, in my view, stands for – No Nagging, Age, Gender. How does each of this work? Let’s find out:
SAY “NO” TO NAGGING
The first building block of dealing with a child is – NO NAGGING. The more you nag, the further the child will run to avoid you. It’s like two like poles of a magnet that repel each other. If you want to be able to talk to your child and want him/her to talk to you, or if you want to get certain job done, nagging is not the answer for that. Nagging is like a pseudo-positive result approach. Initially, it appears to work wonders. Eventually however, things don’t remain all nice and sound. You will not even realize when as to when all those years of nagging take the form of the most negative emotions in your child’s mind and heart. And that is the last thing we want!
AGE IS NOT JUST A NUMBER
When it comes to dealing with children, age is not just a number. Children belonging to each age group react differently in different situations. You can try to put an 11 year old on a lockdown and succeed. But try doing the same with a 19 year old; epic fail, unless of course your 19 years old has always been the ultimate good boy/girl. So, there is a need to recognize age a factor that influences your approach towards your kid. Try more friendly means as the child grows up. Try to be more of a friend (don’t forget being a bit strict, though) than a dictator.
Also, try involving some incentive into the picture. As children grow old, they start understanding incentives. The behavioral sciences prove that assigning an incentive to any task increases the productivity on the part of the targeted party. Try it out but keep it simple! Remember, you are not trying to bribe your kids. You are just trying to induce a positive behavior by relating it to a reward.
ADAM AND EVE
Even amongst children, gender plays an important role in determining a child’s behavior and finding a suitable solution. It is usually said that girls are closer to their fathers and sons to their mothers. If that is the case in your family, use it. Let the father talk to the daughter while mother can maintain a friendly rapport with the son. The parents need to work as a team because no one unit can make this work. Try to figure out who is the more dominant figure in the child’s life and try to dwell on it. It helps the child to be comfortable and thus, it is easier to communicate with them.
However, it is also important for parents to understand that it takes Two to Tango. For any relation to work compromises and efforts need to be made by both the parties involved. So, take it slightly easy. Wherever you think it is possible and viable, let your children grow and experience things on their own. They’ll thank you later for the complete people they become, later in life. It is only fair that a relationship as beautiful as a family finds its way to be solid and blissful, away from the stubbornness and negativity.